Seeing Them through Someone Else’s Eyes

seeing them through someone else's eyesI dread 3 pm. Naps are done, the energy is high, and the witching hours begin. I look at the clock and try to figure out how we can quickly pass the next four and a half hours before they go back to sleep. If we’re lucky, we’ll get a playdate in, but if we’re not, it seems as though the clock has decided to take its sweet old time between the tick and tock.

By dinner, I’m done. I want them to cooperate and hurry everything up because I want the quiet of my own space. Even though I know these moments will soon end, that the kids will grow up faster than I think, I still rush. I still make them rush. I don’t have my kids in sight at that point. I only see the goal of peaceful freedom, and I try to run to it… with legs made out of lead.

But lately there have been moments when I get to see them through someone else’s eyes. It can be a stranger passing by or a family friend or the many people who love them at church. Our kids say hi to them or reach over to give them a hug, and when I look at their faces, I’m stopped. Intrigued. I see such softness and delight. I see gladness filling up their hearts, and they take in the love, they enjoy their presence, and they stay there.

I look at them, and I don’t feel the same look on my face. Instead of a smile, I feel a frown. Instead of softness, hardness. I wonder how seldom I have that look of pure joy, how frustrated and despairing my face must look during witching hours. And it grieves me to my core. Yes, they scream. Yes, they disobey and hit each other. But when I see them through someone else’s eyes, I get to see them for who they are most of the time. They are a delight. They’re hilarious and sweet, and nothing compares to the love and hugs they give.

I want to see them more with those eyes. I need to see them more with those eyes. I want them to know how loved they are not only by the many others but even more by their mommy whose heart could burst when she sees them with the right eyes.

What I’m Loving

www.gracepcho.comIt’s been two weeks of not writing, of quiet reflection and overwhelming emotions. I’ve been remembering God’s good faithfulness to us, and it’s left me at a loss for words but with plenty of tears. At the right time I’ll be sharing more, but for today I thought I’d keep it light and fun with what I’ve been loving these days.

DRINK

  • Good Earth’s sweet & spicy herbal tea – I had it for the first time this past week, and I’ve had several tea bags a day since I first tasted this perfection of a drink. I’m officially obsessed with it, and thankfully Costco sells it in bulk. PTL! (Drinking it now)
  • Brew Tea Bar – I love this place so much I asked the owner if I could interview him for a series I’ll be doing about people pursuing their passions. It’s a local boba place, and it’s hands down the best one in town. Try their sea salt coffee, but really anything there is delicious.
  • Holley’s Cuppa – Another local place I’m starting to love. I met a friend at Holley’s second store (The Cuppa), and the first thing I saw was a wall of books. How could I not fall in love with the place? The coffee is on point, and the coziness of the store will make you want to stay there forever.

READ

DO

  • Settlers of Catan – I finally gave this board game a chance, and I love it! It has just the right balance of strategy and luck, and it’s perfect to play at a dinner with old or new friends.
  • Twinkling lights – just because. Instant delight. I can’t help but smile when I see them.

What are you loving these days? 

It Does Get Easier

it does get easierAutumn has her animal friends tucked in with her, and Peter has his thumb in his mouth. Everyone is snuggled under their muslin blankets, and I hope against hope they’ll fall asleep soon. Sooner than later please. I close the door, let my shoulders droop with relief- we made it.

I keep hearing my friend’s voice in my head- It does get easier. Promise. She texted it to me over the weekend, and I don’t know what convinced me, but for the first time I started to believe it could be true. Maybe it’s because she has four of her own or because the toddler years were hard for her too, but her text felt as though she were reaching across the table, squeezing my hand, and telling me she gets it. She’s been there. She’s known the unseen hardships, she’s made it out alive, and now she’s telling me that I will too.

But some days it’s hard to believe I’ll make it- not through toddlerhood but through the day. When both kids are teething and the whining and needing are incessant, it doesn’t feel like I’ll make it. When they have to sit close and nestle into my body after they’ve already climbed all over me, when both are screaming so loudly and at a pitch so high my eardrums hurt, it doesn’t feel like I’ll make it. The clock seems to be mocking me, the hours feel twice as long, and I wish someone would come watch the kids so I can just take a nap.

But then there are those magical moments when sibling love reigns and my heart fills to the brim. Or when browsing through old photos makes me mourn over how much they’ve grown. My heart aches for time to stop. I want them to be little forever, to fit in my arms forever. I wish I could bottle up that ache and feel it every time I think I won’t make it through the day. I want to remember how inconsiderate time really is and treasure these years when they need me and want me to be with them.

At the end of our text, my friend wrote this-

Know you will get time to yourself to do what you want- it may not be right now, but it will come and you will wish you had those distractions that come from your littles wanting you to be with them. 

I get what she’s saying. It may not be easy now, but this, right now, is brief. It will pass sooner than I think, and it will get easier.

Promise.