I’m in the middle of the wilderness. The land stretches barren before me, the sun threatens my vision, and the sand shifts with the wind, never settling into a marked path. I’m not where I used to be, I’m not who I once was, but I’m not quite where I’m headed and I’m still becoming. I’m in the in-between.
I find myself here often, wrestling with the tensions the middle place creates. I’ve been the middle man, the peacemaker, in relationships throughout my life. I’ve walked the undefined line of being multicultural- of being Korean by heritage, American by citizenship, and a mix of other cultures by upbringing as a missionary’s kid. I’ve felt the comfort of home and belonging in each city and country and yet have never felt fully at home in any place.
I juggle jobs and titles, roles and positions- mother, wife, pastor, teacher, writer, mentor, editor, friend, sister, daughter, counselor, bridge-builder. I’m not only one of those things; I am all of them.
But the wilderness reveals my truest identity- I am seen, I am known, I am loved, and I am not forgotten. I hear these words sung over me. I hear them in whispered prayers. I am His delight, and I am His. My life is His. My family, my writing, my gifts are His. And I am learning to be faithful in the mundane, to persevere when the only words I have to guide me are “follow Me.”
The wilderness, this in-between, is where death and miracles happen. It’s where unexpected life and new dreams are birthed. It’s where I find others walking through this holy place, and we link arms and walk together against the dry wind.
I write to create an oasis for myself and for you. I write to work through my brokenness toward truth, to wrestle and heal. I write as an act of opening up my hands- to surrender, to receive grace and wisdom, to give generously. I write to walk alongside, to speak truth and lead, to hold space for rest and to give hope to those in the in-between too. I hope my words can be an oasis along the journey for you.